Your needs, calendar, and personal tastes will determine the ideal self-care regimen.
“Self-care means really listening to your body, taking moments to check in, deliberately tuning in to the thoughts going on in your mind, and challenging your behaviors and belief systems if things feel out of alignment in your life,” says Kelsey Patel, a Los Angeles–based wellness coach and Reiki instructor, and author of Burning Bright: Rituals, Reiki, and Self-Care to Heal Burnout, Anxiety, and Stress.
Although you might be ready for the task, one thing is definitely realizing you need self-care; another is actually implementing a self-care routine that will help you, especially in light of so much outside of your control happening in the world. Here’s how to accomplish this.
First, define what is self-care and what is not.
Most of the studies on self-care originate in nursing rather than from mental health disciplines. Long recognized as a means of maintaining general health and either preventing or controlling chronic illness is diet.
Studies reveal that the idea of self-care is nebulous as so many various definitions apply.The authors describe self-care as the capacity to achieve, preserve, or advance optimal health and well-being via awareness, self-control, and self-reliance.
Practically, self-care is complex. Paula Gill Lopez, PhD, an associate professor and chair of the department of psychological and educational consultation at Fairfield University in Connecticut, whose studies center on self-care, defines it as the deliberate, proactive search for integrated wellness that balances mind, body, and spirit personally and professionally.
It goes beyond merely looking after your physical condition. “Just eating healthy isn’t enough now,” Patel notes. “We need room to self-care and slow down to rest from all the busyness in our lives; things are moving so fast around us.”
A activity is not self-care simply because it “good for you.”
“I suggest looking for something you enjoy for self-care,” says Brooklyn, New York-based licensed psychologist Stephanie Freitag, PhD, an adjunct assistant professor at Emory School of Medicine.
That could be something for pure enjoyment—a massage or frequent dinners with friends—or something that improves physical health—a particular kind of exercise.
The common denominator of self-care routines is that you get some satisfaction out of the activity, adds Marni Amsellem, PhD, a licensed psychologist in private practice headquartered in Fairfield County, Connecticut.
Your point of view helps you decide what kinds of activities qualify as self-care. For example, suppose you recently started running and have a weekly running target of ten miles. Running itself might not be fun, so you might suffer through every minute of it as you start.
Still, it could be worth it if achieving your targets makes you happy. Though in the moment it doesn’t feel like self-care, Dr. Amsellem says if that practice helps you say: Look at what I did today; I’m working toward my goal and that feels wonderful — then that counts.
Dr. Freitag notes that several less-than-fun hobbies count as self-care, such maintaining a tidy house and giving annual visits top priority. Once more, these activities may not make the present joyful—not for everyone, anyway—but they greatly increase general well-being and peace of mind.
Simply said, self-care is all the actions you take, in the best possible manner, to tend to your mental and physical wellbeing.
“Good self-care consists in doing the activities that will enable you operate at an optimal level,” explains Shauna Pollard, PhD, a psychologist in private practice headquartered in Rockville, Maryland. She advises that the activities you include in your self-care schedule should balance the ones that deliver instant delight with the ones that offer enjoyment once they are finished.
Steps for Developing (and Entering) a Self-Care Routine
Use these steps to start a sustainable self-care routine.
Determine what brings you back to earth. Leading self-care seminars for professional groups, colleges, and community organizations, Dr. Gill Lopez notes she introduces attendees to many forms of self-care since one size does not fit all. “I go through all different kinds of things that could appeal to people in hopes that they’ll find something they can regularly do,” Gill Lopez explains. Start by jotting down as many items as you can think of that make you happy—the color purple,
back-off strokes, springtime, specific fragrances, or music.
Come up with ideas on how you might include those items into your everyday routine. Gill Lopez says it might be in the background (such as devoting a certain amount of time in your daily routine for a given activity) or it could occupy a more prominent place in your daily life (such as coloring your space with the hues and smells you prefer). Try introducing just one new self-care technique at a time; starting small might help one develop the habit more easily.
Plan to include daily self-care activities. Once you choose the self-care activities you want to include into your life, create plans for when and how often. Gill Lopez advises in an essay in the 2017 National Association of School Psychologists Communiqué to make your aim reasonable and quantifiable.[1] If you’re trying to be more present by unplugging from electronic gadgets, for example, start with a small period, like twenty minutes at dinner. Once you can effectively follow that for a week, you can create a more difficult target.
Get help. Freitag advises depending on your support network to maintain sustainable habits in your self-care. Look for others who participate in the same kind of
self-care activities so you may occasionally do them together.
As you proceed, change and refine your strategy. If there are occasional hiccups, it’s normal. “We’re talking about a practice, we’re talking about trial and error. We’re also talking about our needs changing over time.” Explains Washington, DC psychologist Ellen K. Baker, PhD. “What might be self-care in one period could be less so in another period.” Reading a book to your child (or yourself) every night; going for a 10-minute walk outside; sleeping earlier; turning off your devices in the evening; cooking with more wholesome ingredients; and surrounding yourself with items that bring you happiness are some easy-to-adopt self-care activities.